Single Parent

Chris is away on his first business trip since Blake was born, leaving me with all 3 kids for almost a week for the first time in my life (without help).

Things with the kids are pretty much fine, though I am more tired at the end of the day (obviously). This is the second night but only the first full day. I figure tomorrow mid-day will put us at about the halfway point. Bedtime takes a little longer, and I've had to reinstate the SuperYard (sorry Blake!). But overall I feel that it could be worse. It would be nice if the weather wasn't so icky.

Two bad things have happened so far, and they are both completely unrelated to the solo childcare situation.

1) I spilled an entire cup of water on my beloved MacBook. I fear it will never be the same again, but time will tell. I am encouraged by the comments on Facebook by those who have had their laptops survive such a catastrophe.

2) We have a mouse (or mice) either living in or frequenting our pantry. We noticed the other day after the boys' basketball game that the bags of crispy nuts I had made had some little chew holes in them. Then tonight, as I was looking for rice to put my aforementioned addiction, er, computer into (a friend suggested this tip - said it would draw out the water), I discovered that almost EVERY bag of rice, beans, and grains has holes. Not to mention some *other* evidence that left no doubt about the culprit(s). So now I have popcorn, beans, and grains on my kitchen floor and who knows where in the pantry. I'll have to clear off the shelves and dump out the organizational baskets to find it all. Grr. I spent 45 minutes putting most of it into glass storage and labeling it. What a pain! And I'm still not finished, but I need a break to blog out this frustration.

Did I mention I'm tired? And I really need to start on this online Bible study I enrolled in, but now instead of doing it from the comfort of my bed, I'll do it in our freezing spare room (where the "house" computer is). Having gotten all of that off of my chest, let me say that I am super grateful that Chris insisted we get this computer as well as the MacBook. Also, let me say that I realize I am complaining about things that are completely trivial in the light of the Haiti earthquake, the economy, and a myriad of other issues that are infinitely more important. Just so we're clear that I do have a smidgen of perspective here.

So I must drag out the vacuum cleaner and suck up all of the little bits of potential mouse lure (since the glue trap isn't working thus far). And then I might just go to bed.

Relaxing the Standards

Many people say that they were a lot less strict after their first child. Subsequent children come along, and either you are too exhausted to keep up the pace of every thing they put in their mouths and every move they make, or perhaps you just feel a bit more comfortable and at ease with the whole parenting thing. Maybe you realize that you were a bit overprotective with the first one, and so you want to cut the next kid some slack. Whatever the reason, it seems to be a common thread with many parents I have known. Including myself.

Two years ago, my twins had only tasted sugar a handful of times. I was fierce about their nutrition. I made probably 90% of their baby food, including grinding whole grains to make their cereal. I made absolutely sure that they got lots of vegetables and fruits, whole grains, calcium, protein, and vitamins. They drank only water or milk, unless they had constipation (which was rare, due to the intake of the aforementioned produce).

Fast forward to last year, and it was a different story. I still made sure they got their recommended fruits and veggies. They still ate very balanced meals with very little junk food. But they got to taste popsicles for the first time last summer. They ate some ice cream. They are no strangers to chips, cookies, or fruit snacks. And when they are visiting the grandparents...forget about it. Spoiled with foods I would normally not allow. And I'm OK with that. As long as they are eating mostly healthy stuff at home, then I can turn a blind eye to the sugar/salt/fat consumption they get at Mamaw & Papaw's house.

I used to get upset with Chris when he did not feed them a vegetable and fruit with every meal (well, they don't always get veggies with breakfast). When I was gone for any reason, I had to know exactly what they ate when I got home. Then sometimes there would be a lecture about how I would like for them to have X food; please don't forget to give them their vitamins; please don't give them this or that...you get the idea.

When I got pregnant with Blake, everything changed. The entire household ate a LOT more bad food. And I was NOT into cooking while pregnant. So there were a lot more convenience foods around. And snacky foods. And, well, plain old junk food.

I am gradually trying to phase back in mostly healthy foods. I am once again limiting the sugar and salt intake and trying to get back to more scratch cooking and whole unprocessed foods. But there are days when I just throw all of my ideals out the window and feed them popcorn for breakfast. Or give them peanut butter and jelly for lunch for the 3rd day in a row. I still usually ask what they ate when someone else watches them, but only so I can decide whether or not to give them something different for dinner. I figure, as long as they don't go hungry and I'm not the one who had to cook/feed the meal, then so be it.

Luckily I have really good eaters (so far anyway - I'm not sure how Blake will turn out), and I try to maintain the 80/20 rule. If I can get at least 80% good stuff into them on a regular basis, then I won't worry about the 20% that is questionable (or downright BAD for them). And hopefully if I continue to offer them healthy foods, then they will just continue to enjoy them.

The other night I was eating a frozen fruit bar (grape - yummy), and I put the corner of it into Blake's mouth to see how he would react. At first he made a sour face, but then tasted it again and seemed to appreciate the tangy/sweet deliciousness. Or maybe he just like the coldness on his sore gums. I laughed and told Chris how I never in a million years would have done that with the big boys. I plan on really trying to make his first year (and beyond) as healthy as it was for the big boys, but I also know that I'm not as strict about things as I once was.

What about you, dear readers? I would love to hear your comparison stories about how your standards (or behavior) have changed from your firstborn to the next ones down the line.

Contention in the Ranks

It seems that suddenly George wants to fight a battle over every little thing. I try to be accommodating, but I also draw the line and let him knows who's boss when I need to. It's getting more difficult to pick my battles though, as I want to allow him to express his need for independence and control without him thinking that he is in charge.

For example. Last night I made them green beans to go with their dinner. This is normally not a problem. George said "I want corn on the cob!" I calmly said "We don't have any corn on the cob." And he replied "Then I want other corn!" I said "No, we're having green beans tonight. You can have corn tomorrow." He was not happy with that response, and told me so. I told him he didn't have to eat the green beans, but that he wasn't getting corn. He ended up eating the green beans with no problems. Today, I gave them corn for lunch. And when I asked them if they wanted peas with it, they both said yes. Then when I went to serve it, George threw a fit about wanting green beans instead. I told him he could have green beans with dinner, and he didn't have to eat the peas and corn. But he ended up eating them all. I just had to endure a little fit about it first. And it's getting that way with a lot of things now: what he wears, what toys he wants to play with, how helpful he is (or is not), etc. I'm hoping it is a quick phase of figuring out the boundaries. Because I am certainly showing him where they lie.

I understand that obedience is more likely to occur with perseverance and consistency, so I strive for that. But man, it is difficult. These little ankle-biters really know how to wear you down.

My Parental Hypocrisy

My current occupation is SAHM (that's Stay At Home Mom, for those of you not savvy to the lingo). And as the primary caregiver to three young children, I often ponder the various facets of parenting. The discipline. The nutrition. The stimulation of the minds. The toys. The spiritual grooming. The activities. The rest. Or lack of any of the above.

There are days when I feel that the wisdom I've gleaned from various sources has been duly applied and I am a good mommy. There are days when I feel like I couldn't do a worse job as a parent (keep in mind I DO get the basic needs met no matter what - and I'm barring things like abuse and neglect).

And somewhere in between SuperMom and SlackerMom is a side of me that I will refer to as ShiftyMom (for lack of a better term). Sometimes my blatant hypocrisy knows no bounds. For example:

• "If you hit your brother one more time, you'll get a spanking!"
• And then I screamed, "Stop Yelling!!!"
• "You must eat your [insert healthy food] before you can have [insert sweet food]." While I have had days of eating dessert for two meals in a row. Or they will have to eat broccoli while I am sneaking chocolate or something in the other room (I do love broccoli though, to my credit).
• "You must be nice to the dog/cat," as I kick the dog for being underfoot.

I'm sure that is but a short list of my shortcomings in this area. It will only be a matter of (very limited) time before my kids really start calling me out on this sort of behavior. Which is a good thing, as hypocrisy is not usually a welcome trait. One more check-and-balance to keep me in line (the Holy Spirit does a lot of this as well).

Wow, how painfully embarassing to admit. Please feel free to comment and let me know I'm not the only one who imposes double standards on their kids.